Everything Is Nice

Beating the nice nice nice thing to death (with fluffy pillows)

Archive for September 20th, 2009

‘Softly, With A Big Stick’ by Gavin J Grant

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One of the shortest stories in the collection this posits a world where noise is a crime, hence taboo, hence sexualised. It is pretty good but not really erotic, especially given that the ultimate escape form conformity is doing a big blow off.

Quality: ****
Sexiness: *

Written by Martin

20 September 2009 at 17:41

You’re Fucking Out, I’m Fucking In

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As exemplified by Dollhouse, me and television don’t always get on. Thankfully me and HBO have no such issues. Most recently they have introduced me to the brilliance of Eastbound & Down. I watched the whole of this last weekend and recommend watching it in a burst like that, it is only six episodes long and each one is quite rightly referred to as a chapter. It starts on UK TV this week and if you like swears and straightfaced monsterism – and who doesn’t? – then this is the show for you. It is sort of like a redneck version of The Thick Of It but, er, nothing like that.

Written by Martin

20 September 2009 at 15:24

Posted in television

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‘The Book Collector’ by Sarah Micklem

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Much like the protagonist of ‘The Proof’, our heroine, Col, is a unique and beautiful snowflake who is straight but unsatisfied with the entire male population. This might have something to do with the fact the sole hetrosexual man on display is the office sleazebag:

Every time he came by Col’s cubicle to see if she was ready to hook up, she thought of herself dangling from his penis like a fish. It was anti-erotic.

That second sentence is priceless. Oh, so dangling from his penis like a fish was an anti-erotic image? Thanks for pointing that out. Anyway, this is an anthology of erotic SF so obviously Col finds sex in the system. On company time, no less; science fiction has never been very good on the world of work. Col designs artificial humans for a living for a company called Incubus. When she has an itch that needs scratching she has sex with her creations through a neural interface called a Sensorium. As the story opens she has just been commissioned to create “the male equivalent of the Mona Lisa” for a wealthy art collector. I think you can see where this is going.

Micklem is only interested in the growing relationship between Col and Philip, the male Mona Lisa, the titular book collector. The implications, even the mechanics, of Col’s job, company and world are barely considered. In fact this future feels very familiar: Col uses the phrase “a quick boff”, borrows a “fuzzy pink sweater” and her favourite shirt is “rose-colored velvet”. Maybe the future, just like the present, really is all about the Eighties. Or maybe a lot of writers don’t have very good imaginations.

The story ends with Philip being handed over to his collector and Col heartbroken. Unfortunately this central relationship is based on solicism and childish monomania. It is literally wank. It is hard to care any more about Col’s tears than those of a teenage girl devestated that Duran Duran have split up.

Quality: **
Sexiness: **

Written by Martin

20 September 2009 at 12:42